Never been near a university,
Never took a paper or a learned degree,
And some of your friends think that's stupid of me,
But it's nothing that I care about.

Well I don't know how to tell the weight of the sun,
And of mathematics well I want none,
And I may be the Mayor of Simpleton,
But I know one thing,
And that's I love you.
When their logic grows cold and all thinking gets done,
You'll be warm in the arms of the Mayor of Simpleton.

I can't have been there when brains were handed round
(please be upstanding for the Mayor of Simpleton),
Or get past the cover of your books profound,
(please be upstanding for the Mayor of Simpleton),
And some of your friends thinks it's really unsound,
That you're ever seen talking to me.

Well I don't know how to write a big hit song,
And all crossword puzzles well I just shun,
And I may be the Mayor of Simpleton,
But I know one thing,
And that's I love you.

I'm not proud of the fact that I never learned much,
Just feel I should say,
what you get is all real,
I can't put on an act,
It takes brains to do that anyway. (And anyway...)

And I can't unravel riddles, problems and puns,
How the home computer has me on the run,
And I may be the Mayor of Simpleton,
But I know one thing,
And that's I love you (I love you).

If depth of feeling is a currency,
(please be upstanding for the Mayor of Simpleton),
Then I'm the man who grew the money tree,
(no Chain of Office and no hope of getting one).
Some of your friends are too brainy to see,
That they're paupers and that's how they'll stay.

Well I don't know how many pounds make up a ton,
Of all the Nobel prizes that I've never won,
And I may be the Mayor of Simpleton,
But I know one thing,
And that's I love you.

When all logic grows cold and all thinking gets done,
You'll be warm in the arms of the Mayor of Simpleton.
You'll be warm in the arms of the Mayor of Simpleton.
You'll be warm in the arms of the Mayor.
(Please be upstanding for the Mayor of Simpleton.)